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Published Friday October 9th, 2009 at 12:25pm

Original Article by Pat Burns

Fear of abandonment is a a very common issue for adoptees, as isanger over having been abandoned by their birthmother. After all, iftheir own biological mother didn't care enough to stick around and be apart of their life, why should anyone else?

Sadly, many adoptees blame themselves on some deep level that eventhey don't really understand. They think that there is something wrongwith them, and that's why the woman who gave birth to them didn't keepand raise them. Although I've never heard of a single case in whichthis was true in nearly 20 years of working with adoptees and birthfamilies, the feeling is widespread among adoptees.

Adoptees with a fear of abandonment often find it hard to build orsustain relationships with others. For some, they find it easier tohold other people back emotionally in order to avoid involvement, thanto open up and let themselves be vulnerable.

When the very first important person in your life, the woman whocarried and gave birth to you, runs off and leaves you, it becomesdifficult to trust other people, and to believe that they won't run offtoo. Why open yourself up to a potential world of hurt when you canjust hide behind that emotional wall you've built and keep everyoneout? Your history has proven to you that you can't depend on others tobe there for you. It's not safe to let down that wall. As surely as youdo, you'll be hurt.

Having these kinds of trust and abandonment issues can get in theway of you living your life happily. EFT can help, though. Click onthe "What The Heck is EFT?" link and find out more about what EFT is,how it works, and what the tapping points are. Then give the scriptbelow a try!

Tapping Script For Fear of Abandonment

Setup: Karate chop:

  • Even though I feel like I can't trust anyone in my life to stickaround and be there for me, I deeply and profoundly love and acceptmyself.
  • Even though my birthmother abandoned me and now I'm afraid thateveryone else will abandon me too, I deeply and profoundly love andaccept myself.
  • Even though I'd rather keep people at a distance from me than tolet them into my life and take a chance that they might hurt me, Ideeply and profoundly love and accept myself, and I'm considering thatit might be time to work on those feelings.

Eyebrow: It's hard for me to let people into my life
Outside eye: I'm so scared that they'll abandon me
Under eye: It's easier to just keep my walls up to protect myself
Under nose: Then to let down the walls and maybe get hurt
Chin: My own birthmother abandoned me
Collar bone: And I never understood why she'd do that
Under arm: I just know that I don't want to get hurt again
Top of head: So I keep my walls up to keep people away.

Eyebrow: I don't feel safe when I let myself be vulnerable
Outside eye: Because I don't feel like I can really depend on anyone else
Under eye: But maybe it's time to start letting go of that fear
Under nose: And to letting down those walls of mine
Chin: Starting to release my fear of abandonment
Collar bone: A little at a time, in a way that feels safe for me
Under arm: Starting to tear down those walls
Top of head: One brick at a time.

Eyebrow: I have people around me who do care about me
Outside eye: And I can open up my life and my heart to them
Under eye: Releasing my fears about trusting other people
Under nose: Continuing to pull down those protective walls
Chin: Letting go of more and more of that fear of abandonment
Collar bone: Finding the courage to open myself up
Under arm: And starting to feel more connected with the people in my life
Top of head: As I let go of the last of my fear of abandonment.