Share on Facebook | More ArticlesOriginal Article by Shelby Redfield
Published Wednesday September 2nd, 2009 at 6:10pm
There are three point of views when there is an adoption; the adoptee, the adoptive parents and the birth mother. While there is a negative judgement passed down upon women who believe that it is in their child's best interest to give them up for adoption, it is truly a courageous act, because in their current circumstances they know they are not able to provide for their baby. In a perfect world there wouldn't be a need for adoption to take place. Sadly, there are orphans who need loving homes and thank goodness there are couples who want to adopt. A birth mom has every right to look for avenues where she will be able to come to terms with the choice that she made or is thinking of making in regards to her child. No doubt the birth mom thought long and hard about her decision. But it's a decision that she made. And who are we to judge?
Here is the story of an anonymous Asian adoptee.
When I was younger, I used to think, "Why did my own mom give me up?" Strong emotions of resentment and anger towards my birth mom for abandoning me, shaped a low self image of myself. You start to think of the reasons why and all you can come up with are things like, "Did she not want me, because I wasn't good enough for her? Did she not love me enough to keep me?" The sense that you weren't worth keeping by your own mom, of being unwanted, creates a self-hatred towards yourself at a young age. It certainly didn't help that I lived in a predominately white town, where kids made fun of my 'slanted' eyes and 'flat face'.
What helped me to get past the stage of resentment and anger, was my very loving adoptive parents, who repeatedly told me that I was given up out of love, to be given a better life. My birthmother was very poor and not able to provide for me. When I was able to truly understand the delicate circumstances of my adoption, that it wasn't that she didn't love me, it was that she really couldn't provide the life a mother should, acceptance and forgiveness started to take shape.
I was fortunate to be able to forgive my birth mom in my heart, prior to going on a homeland trip, where I was actually able to meet my birth mom and obtain closure in my life about being adopted.
As an adoptee, I have to be honest, I do still look for approval and praise from others to boost my self-esteem and confidence. I constantly ask the people in my life who are family and friends, to say they love me over and over again, to reassure me that I am loved. And there are moments when I don't feel loved still, but I know it's because I'm just remembering what I felt as a child. Regardless of the emotional issues I still face here and there, I am grateful for my birth mom for giving me up selflessly to give me a life she could not. Some people think it's selfish when a mother gives her baby up for adoption and I believe it is selfless, that they are putting their child's needs first to give them a better life.
To birth mothers who are considering giving their baby up for adoption here are some things I would have liked when I was a kid. Leave a letter for your baby, if you don't want it to be an open adoption, of how they came into the world, why you thought you had to give them up and how much you love them with a picture or description of yourself. And give them the option of meeting you one day, if they want. I can't tell you how important that was for me to meet my birth mother, the sense of closure it brought.
Here is the story of an anonymous Asian adoptee.
When I was younger, I used to think, "Why did my own mom give me up?" Strong emotions of resentment and anger towards my birth mom for abandoning me, shaped a low self image of myself. You start to think of the reasons why and all you can come up with are things like, "Did she not want me, because I wasn't good enough for her? Did she not love me enough to keep me?" The sense that you weren't worth keeping by your own mom, of being unwanted, creates a self-hatred towards yourself at a young age. It certainly didn't help that I lived in a predominately white town, where kids made fun of my 'slanted' eyes and 'flat face'.
What helped me to get past the stage of resentment and anger, was my very loving adoptive parents, who repeatedly told me that I was given up out of love, to be given a better life. My birthmother was very poor and not able to provide for me. When I was able to truly understand the delicate circumstances of my adoption, that it wasn't that she didn't love me, it was that she really couldn't provide the life a mother should, acceptance and forgiveness started to take shape.
I was fortunate to be able to forgive my birth mom in my heart, prior to going on a homeland trip, where I was actually able to meet my birth mom and obtain closure in my life about being adopted.
As an adoptee, I have to be honest, I do still look for approval and praise from others to boost my self-esteem and confidence. I constantly ask the people in my life who are family and friends, to say they love me over and over again, to reassure me that I am loved. And there are moments when I don't feel loved still, but I know it's because I'm just remembering what I felt as a child. Regardless of the emotional issues I still face here and there, I am grateful for my birth mom for giving me up selflessly to give me a life she could not. Some people think it's selfish when a mother gives her baby up for adoption and I believe it is selfless, that they are putting their child's needs first to give them a better life.
To birth mothers who are considering giving their baby up for adoption here are some things I would have liked when I was a kid. Leave a letter for your baby, if you don't want it to be an open adoption, of how they came into the world, why you thought you had to give them up and how much you love them with a picture or description of yourself. And give them the option of meeting you one day, if they want. I can't tell you how important that was for me to meet my birth mother, the sense of closure it brought.