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Published Monday August 31st, 2009 at 5:02am

Original Article by Kimmie Hutchins

I try not to post blogs that are super personal. I mean,I talk about daily activities, things that interest me and things like that --but I try not to dig too deep into my personal life. This specific entry willbe a little more personal though...

I saw this video earlieron cnn which I haven't been able to stop thinking about. I tried to figure outa way to put the video on here, but wordpress is a little stubborn and I can'tseem to embed a video unless it's coming from youtube or google or whatever.You can see the video here.

Most likely I've mentioned somewhere in this blog that I'm adopted andthat's the reason why this really caught my eye. The girl in this video isadopted and was reunited with her biological family after ‘googling' her ownname and finding her information on an adoption registry. It's hard for me todescribe my feelings on this. They are mix of interest, hope and hopelessness,envy, bitterness and frustration. This is actually the second story like thisthat I've seen just today, which makes it even more frustrating.

Though I haven't always made it apparent around people I know, I'vealways internalized some really strong feelings about adoption and myself beingan adoptee. There have been a lot of circumstances concerning my adoption thatI haven't had any control over, there's always been a disconnect with myadoptive family (which isn't their fault), and I've always felt like crucialand basic information that should be available has always been out ofreach.

Seeing these kind of stories stirs up all theseemotions that sometimes I wish they wouldn't. I wonder, "why can't it be thateasy for me?" Well, I know the answers to that already (and there are a numberof reasons).

Anyway -- I'm not saying that I don't feel goodabout the girl in the video. She has every right to find out this information,as does anyone that's adopted. I posted this link somewhere else and anacquaintance who is also adopted saw it, took it upon herself to do the samething, and surprisingly discovered a whole bevy of information on herbiological mother including a profile on facebook, myspace, and within 5-10 minutes). It's strange to think that a long lost parent,sibling or any family member may only be a facebook page away. But where doI start?

Theseoptions aren't as easily open to me because of the nature of my adoption. Thisacquaintance seems stressed though about what she should do with thisinformation -- that she might be intruding on someone's privacy. But I knowwhat I would do (and this is what I told her and what I would tell anyadoptee). If I had this history, this part of me that was readily available, I wouldtake it and go as far as I could with it. I understand wanting to respectsomeone's privacy, but that person made the decision for themselves and you,which isn't fair. Adoptees have every right to know who they are and parentswho choose to give up their children need to face the fact that their anonymitymight be forfeited sometime in the future. They may feel the regret, the lossand the sadness of giving away a child, but they don't know the feeling ofhaving a whole part of your life kept from you, feelings of abandonment, and inmany cases of overseas adoption (this applies to me) the anxiety of neverfeeling like you ‘fit in' to any specific group.

Ok... That'sall I have to say about that. I know there are other adoptees who feel similarto myself. Surprisingly, I use to think it was just me, but I've discoveredthat I'm not alone. I'm up for a good conversation on this too. If you haveanything to add, please feel free. I'm sure this won't be the last time I bringthis up.