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Published Wednesday June 24th, 2009 at 3:03pm

Original Article by Amanda W.

Anna is a Birth Mother.

Anna, tell us what you'd like us to know about YOU as a person.
I'm a very dedicated person. Once I set my mind to something, I do my best to accomplish it and go above and beyond. I promised my son from the moment I found out I was pregnant that I was going to do whatever it takes to make sure he has a great life.

Do you mind sharing how you became a birth mother?
Well, I went through most of my pregnancy getting ready to raise my son. I wanted him more than anything in this entire world. I had never loved anyone the way I loved my little boy. However, I lacked resources and financial and emotional support. The father was out of the picture, his family were constantly pressuring me to place my son up for adoption, and my family were kind of like, "Anna, you're on your own." It was so overwhelming... I was 18 and scared out of my mind. I didn't have much self esteem, so around the time I was 8 months pregnant I decided that it would be best for him to be raised by another family. I felt at the time that he deserved better than me. I felt like I wasn't good enough. It was the most painful descision to ever have to make, but once I had set my mind to it, there was nothing that was going to change my mind... I'm a very stubborn person.

If you could give a message to anyone (or multiple people) what would it be?
Research, interview, do whatever it is you need to do to educate yourself before you make a decision that could completely change your life. It'll be easier to accept and harder to regret if you go into something fully educated.

Do you agree with opening up unconditional, uncensored access to birth records? Why or why not?
Yes, secrets are never, ever good.

Have you been reunited with any of the members of your Triad?
I wouldn't call it reunited, but I have a very open adoption... To be honest, my parents adopted my son. I'm very hesitant to tell people that because they automatically think I should be "fine." I'm not fine, in fact, it's made my healing/grieving process even harder because the situation is constantly being thrown in my face. I can't ever get away from it. It's caused a huge strain on my relationship with my mother... I mean huge. I live a ways away because of my work and school, but I do get to see him once a month. It helps to know that he's ok and is well cared for, but to see him call someone else mom, and when he's upset he wants her and not me... is very difficult. It is getting so much easier... I use to cry every single time I would leave from visiting... I would cry for days... but now I can leave and feel at peace, because I know that he's ok, and not in pain..He loves me and he knows who I am.

Have you ever been made to feel shameful or to blame?
Oh yeah, my ex-boyfriend (not the biological father) would tell me on days I would be really down about the adoption, he told me it was my fault because I put myself in that situation. I didn't ask to get pregnant... I was on birth control... I also didn't even expect my boyfriend at the time to bail out on me, his family and mine turn their backs on me.. I expected everyone who loved me to support me, and I didn't get that. You know... I didn't get pregnant by myself! I at times, especially when I'm around women who have children who are young and single, I feel extremely ashamed for placing my son up for adoption. I see all these women doing it, and I didn't.. I just gave up. I gave my son up. Where were these women when I was pregnant? It's just so difficult.

A special thank you to Anna for sharing her story. Hopefully by reading Anna's story, people will be moved to work towards a positive change.