Share on Facebook  |  More Articles

Published Sunday June 14th, 2009 at 1:56pm

Original Article by Amanda W.

Anon #1 is the birthmom to a very caring and sensitive young man.

How Anon #1 Came to be A Birth mom.....
I was dating a guy in college for a few years and became pregnant. I went home to see a doctor and found out I was pregnant. I was in shock, I shared the information with my mom and later my dad. They were devasted and very angry with me. My father did not speak to me the entire weekend I was home, when I left I was angry and told them not to turn their backs on me now when I needed them the most. I went back to college, told the guy I was pregnant and he told me to get an abortion. This is something that I could not do and adoption seemed the only answer. I graduated from college my parents came to my graduation, nothing was said about it. I remained there until the birth and finalization of the adoption. I called my mom to let her know I had a baby boy, very little was said. I came home and it was as if none of this happened. I was alone throughout the entire 9 months, no communication with my parents and no support from the father.

If You Could Send a Message to Anyone......
To my mom and dad. I needed your love and understanding. This was a difficult time for me I needed someone desperately then to talk to and to understand what I was going through.

To the father. Why didn't you care just a little? I needed someone to help me through this.

To the adoptive parents. Thank you so much for raising him as I would have. He is a wonderful young man and a great father. Thank you for being open to him finding me.

To my husband and children. You are all truly amazing and I really appreciate the support that you have given me. For 35 years I kept this a secret from them out of fear of what they would think of me and have never been judgmental and still love me for who I am.

Lastly, to my son. Thank you never giving up on finding me, even when I I said no to the agency . I am very proud to have you as a son and I miss not seeing you more often. I have enjoyed our few times together. It is always difficult to see you leave. I love you very much. I never stopped thinking about you in all those years.

Should Adoption Records be Open?
I believe that this is a very difficult process for everyone involved. I think that records should be opened after the child becomes 18. This is very emotional for everyone involved and I know that a lot of us kept this a secret from everyone. It's hard to answer. I think that anyone entering into adoption now have a different mind set.

Have You Been Reunited? Tell us Your Story....
Yes, we have been reunited. The reunion was unbelieveable, I couldn't stop looking into his eyes and realizing that we were together again. That bond between mother and son never goes away. I have met his mom and she is a wonderful women, we all seemed so comfortable together. I recently meet my grandkids, they are still young and I know this must be difficult for them to understand. I am looking forward to meeting the rest of his family, he has met mine.

Have You Been Made to Feel Shame or Blame as a Birth Mother?
My parents come from a generation that unwed mothers is a no no and they also have a really strong religious background. When I told my mom about my son contacting me she made me feel like I was still a bad person. She told me not to tell my husband and kids, what would they think of me. I was strong enough this time to not let her make me feel bad and a disgrace. I did share my secret with my family and my mom now has done a complete 360. She understands the importance of all of this to me and my son. She has met him and now asks about him whenever I visit her. He is included in her questions about how are the kids.

I want everyone to understand that as wonderful as this reunion has been there are still very deep emotions that are hard to get rid of. There are days when I cry whenever I realize that I really don't know too much about him, that I can't share things in his life, I still feel like an outsider in his life and that really hurts. I want him to be a part of our life, for him to feel like he belongs and that we all truly love him. I want him to have the relationship that my son and daughter have with each other with him.

Thank you Anon #1 for sharing your story. I am blessed to be able to talk to so many birth mothers and hear their stories. It makes me feel like I know my own birth mother a little more each time I do an interview