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Published Sunday June 14th, 2009 at 1:56pm

Original Article by Amanda W.

Anon #1 is the birthmom to a very caring and sensitive young man.

How Anon #1 Came to be A Birth mom.....
Iwas dating a guy in college for a few years and became pregnant. I wenthome to see a doctor and found out I was pregnant. I was in shock, Ishared the information with my mom and later my dad. They were devastedand very angry with me. My father did not speak to me the entireweekend I was home, when I left I was angry and told them not to turntheir backs on me now when I needed them the most. I went back tocollege, told the guy I was pregnant and he told me to get an abortion.This is something that I could not do and adoption seemed the onlyanswer. I graduated from college my parents came to my graduation,nothing was said about it. I remained there until the birth andfinalization of the adoption. I called my mom to let her know I had ababy boy, very little was said. I came home and it was as if none ofthis happened. I was alone throughout the entire 9 months, no communication with my parents and no support from the father.

If You Could Send a Message to Anyone......
Tomy mom and dad. I needed your love and understanding. This was adifficult time for me I needed someone desperately then to talk to andto understand what I was going through.

To the father. Why didn't you care just a little? I needed someone to help me through this.

Tothe adoptive parents. Thank you so much for raising him as I wouldhave. He is a wonderful young man and a great father. Thank you forbeing open to him finding me.

To my husband andchildren. You are all truly amazing and I really appreciate the supportthat you have given me. For 35 years I kept this a secret from them outof fear of what they would think of me and have never been judgmentaland still love me for who I am.

Lastly, to my son.Thank you never giving up on finding me, even when I I said no to theagency . I am very proud to have you as a son and I miss not seeing youmore often. I have enjoyed our few times together. It is alwaysdifficult to see you leave. I love you very much. I never stoppedthinking about you in all those years.

Should Adoption Records be Open?
Ibelieve that this is a very difficult process for everyone involved. Ithink that records should be opened after the child becomes 18. This isvery emotional for everyone involved and I know that a lot of us keptthis a secret from everyone. It's hard to answer. I think that anyoneentering into adoption now have a different mind set.

Have You Been Reunited? Tell us Your Story....
Yes,we have been reunited. The reunion was unbelieveable, I couldn't stoplooking into his eyes and realizing that we were together again. Thatbond between mother and son never goes away. I have met his mom and sheis a wonderful women, we all seemed so comfortable together. I recentlymeet my grandkids, they are still young and I know this must bedifficult for them to understand. I am looking forward to meeting therest of his family, he has met mine.

Have You Been Made to Feel Shame or Blame as a Birth Mother?
Myparents come from a generation that unwed mothers is a no no and theyalso have a really strong religious background. When I told my mom aboutmy son contacting me she made me feel like I was still a bad person.She told me not to tell my husband and kids, what would they think ofme. I was strong enough this time to not let her make me feel bad and adisgrace. I did share my secret with my family and my mom now has donea complete 360. She understands the importance of all of this to me andmy son. She has met him and now asks about him whenever I visit her. Heis included in her questions about how are the kids.

Iwant everyone to understand that as wonderful as this reunion has beenthere are still very deep emotions that are hard to get rid of. Thereare days when I cry whenever I realize that I really don't know toomuch about him, that I can't share things in his life, I still feellike an outsider in his life and that really hurts. I want him to be apart of our life, for him to feel like he belongs and that we all trulylove him. I want him to have the relationship that my son and daughterhave with each other with him.

Thank you Anon #1 forsharing your story. I am blessed to be able to talk to so many birthmothers and hear their stories. It makes me feel like I know my ownbirth mother a little more each time I do an interview