Published Friday May 22nd, 2009 at 10:51am
Michelle Hurst, facing the hardest task of her life, needed all the support she could get.
Instead, her best friend tried to talk her out of it.
"It was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do," Michelle said."And she said, 'You're making the wrong decision.' "
Michelle was making the right decision. A single mother of two youngchildren, she was unexpectedly pregnant again. She decided to place thebaby with an adoptive family.
Her friend came around –eventually, she became a rock of support, staying with Michelle duringher delivery and hospital stay – but some women's friends and familiesdo not.
I cannot for the life of me understand why anyonewould find fault with such selflessness, but they sometimes do.
There's sometimes a disturbing undercurrent of bias out there, adisapproving snap judgment that supposes there's somethingdiscreditable in a young woman who could "give up her own baby."
Sadly, I have seen it, once or twice, in the courtroom. I saw it in thesickening 2001 case of an 8-year-old Hutchins girl who was rescuedafter years spent locked in a trailer-house closet, where she wasstarved, beaten and assaulted.
The little girl's mother,who was largely responsible for her torment, had actually placed herwith adoptive parents years earlier. But the mother's own family,fearful of the giving-up-your-own-baby stigma, badgered her intowithdrawing from the agreement, and into taking the child back.
The result was a gothic horror of a story, a sick case of abuse inwhich the only salvageable thread of hope is the fact that the girlsurvived, and has long since been reunited with the adoptive family.
As a culture, I sometimes wonder why we don't do more to recognizeplacing an unexpected baby for adoption as an act of profound wisdom.
It's common ground between those who view abortion as a moral evil andthose who believe every child should be planned, loved and wanted.
Michelle worked with Fort Worth's venerable Edna Gladney Center, wherea new program provided her with additional post-delivery help.
With the help of a counselor in Gladney's year-old "Next Steps"program, she completed a training program in data entry and startedapplying for new jobs to help her better support her two olderchildren.
Funding for the program, which is largely abouthelping birth mothers learn to successfully manage their own lives, isoffered by the Dallas-based Council for Life.
"Everybodyknows about the baby, but what about the mother? What are her needs?"said council board member Fiona Richards. "She's the one we reallywanted to focus on."
I love this positive message. Whilesome groups who promote a pro-life agenda are out shouting at PlannedParenthood clients through bullhorns, this program is a triumph ofpragmatism over politics, of compassion over self-righteousness.
"We're not a political organization," Fiona said. "We're about support."
This view delivers on the frequently voiced but sometimes hollow mantraof the child's best interests, by offering supplemental support towomen who have chosen adoption.
They need it, saidGladney spokeswoman Jennifer Lanter, especially those who areoverwhelmed by the weight of their problems.
"It's notlike she's living in a vacuum, with just this pregnancy to thinkabout," Jennifer said. "About 85 percent of them have been through abreakup" with the baby's father, she said. "And their friends andfamily may be struggling with what they're doing."
NextSteps is helping other Gladney birth mothers earn their high schooldiplomas, look for jobs, further their educations. Two of them are nowin nursing school, said program coordinated Beth Cox.
Michelle's healthy baby boy, Asher, was born six weeks ago.
Placing him in his new mother's arms was so hard that Michelle, blinded by tears, fled from the room.
But she knows he is secure, happy and cherished by his parents. She put her child's welfare before her own.
That's the definition of maternal grace.